8 non-traditional wedding ceremony ideas from a northern california wedding photographer
Hello engaged friends! I’m Jenny and I have been photographing weddings in Northern California and beyond for 10+ years. To be quite honest, despite documenting 100+ incredible wedding celebrations, I never really felt like I wanted to have my own wedding. I could never see myself walking down the aisle or being giving away or doing all the wedding things. It never felt like me. But In 2021 my partner and I decided to get married and we knew that if we were going to have a wedding, that it would be different and non-traditional. We wanted it to feel like “us” and that anything that felt unnecessary, we wouldn’t do. We wanted everything to feel intentional. We knew we wanted to get married in a place that felt like home and celebrate around a long table with an unforgettable meal. But most importantly, we wanted to celebrate our love with our family and a few close friends surrounded by nature. We created a ceremony that felt like us, got married by our close friend, ate the most delicious food, danced our hearts out, and had the most lovely, joy-filled, stress-free day together. It was perfect for us.
To be clear, there’s nothing wrong with keeping to tradition if that feels right to you. For some people, however, many of the things we’ve come to expect at a wedding don’t hold a lot of personal meaning. The ceremony in particular tends to be the most tradition-laden part of the day but more people are deciding to “break the rules” and finding ways to celebrate in a way that feels true to who they are. If you are thinking about crafting a ceremony that feels just right for you and your partner, here is a list of 8 ideas to get your creative juices flowing.
1. flower Bouquet Alternatives
Don’t feel like holding a bouquet but love the beauty of flowers? Incorporate them in another way! You can put them in your hair or wear a flower crown. Or create a beautiful floral arch to get married under. If you’d prefer not to have flowers but would still like to hold something in your hands, consider using greenery or pompas grass wrapped in colorful streamers. Alternatively you could choose to forgo all of the above and get married in nature, surrounded by the beauty of the living world.
2. Walking down the aisle
The tradition of the father walking the daughter down the aisle originated when the daughter was seen as a father’s property and was his to “give away.” Today it has evolved into a gesture of support, uniting families and showing love and respect to the new marriage. However, there are many reasons why you may not wish to walk down the aisle with a parent: relationships can be strained or absent, parents may no longer be around, or you just don't want to be "given away."
There are many alternative ways to approach the spot where you will get married. Are you close with a sibling/siblings? Have them walk down the aisle with you. Or consider walking in and out of the ceremony site with your partner. It can be symbolic of the commitment and union you have prior to getting married. Would you prefer to walk in all by yourself? Do it! And if walking down an aisle sounds terrifying or just not your thing, choose a different way to begin your ceremony. You and your partner could already be at the ceremony site greeting all your guests as they arrive. Show up to your ceremony in whatever way feels true to you.
3. Alternatives to certain ceremony phrases
The two things legally required in a ceremony are that the couple make a declaration of intent and the officiant makes a pronouncement. And even then, the language in both of those can be tweaked depending on religious or cultural preferences, to make it more inclusive or just tailored to make it feel right for you. Here are some examples of some inclusive phrasing: instead of “I now pronounce you husband and wife!” use “I now pronounce you married!” Instead of “You may now kiss your bride!” use “You may now kiss!” Instead of “Ladies and gentlemen, it is my privilege to introduce to you for the first time, Mr. and Mrs. (groom’s last name)!” use “It is a privilege to introduce to you the married couple!” or “I now present the newly married couple, (name) and (name)!” It is important to talk to your officiant and make sure they know your preferences when it comes to choosing what will be said during your ceremony.
4. Get creative with ceremony seating
Not a fan of the traditional ceremony seating (aisle with rows on each side)? Feel free to change up how the guests are arranged during the ceremony. You could arrange the seating in a circle so that you are completely surrounded during the ceremony. If you are having a shorter ceremony and you don’t think the guests would mind standing, have them stand around you while you get hitched. This can feel more intimate especially with smaller weddings. You can also create a more informal atmosphere by arranging sofas and/or cushions around the ceremony site for the guests to sit on.
5. Include family members/guests in your ceremony
There are some lovely ways to include your family members and guests in your ceremony. Some more traditional ways ways include readings and the handing off of rings. If you have children, you can include them in a sand ceremony or include them in the vows. A ring warming ritual can be a sweet way for your guests to offer silent well wishes for the marriage as they pass the rings around before you exchange them. You can also set a basket of stones at the entrance of your ceremony site and tell guests to take and hold a stone during the ceremony. They can offer a blessing while holding the stone and afterwards everyone can return the stones to nature or you can collect and keep them.
6. include unique ceremony rituals
A more traditional unity ritual is for the couple to light one candle with two separate candles. There are many other less practiced rituals that can also symbolize your unity. If you want to include a ritual in your ceremony, do a bit a research and figure out which one feels most like you (and your culture or religion). Here are some ideas: tree planting, sand ceremony, jumping over the broom, wine ceremony, log cutting, knot-tying, tea unity, sealing love letters, breaking glass, and handfasting/ribbon-binding.
7. YOUR VOWS
Vows are at the heart of a wedding ceremony. While traditional vows have their charm, crafting your own can be really meaningful and add a personal touch. If writing your own vows seems like a daunting task, here are some prompts to get you started. Start by each getting out a piece of paper and writing down what this union of yours will entail. What exactly are you promising each other? What do you expect of the other and of yourself? What qualities or characteristics do you want your marriage to have? What will your relationship look like when you’re 90? Once you each have a list that feels pretty good, compare your answers and then combine it into one list in whatever way resonates with you. Once you have a final list that feels good to both of you, write your own vows around those characteristics.
If the thought of reading vows in front of other people feels uncomfortable or impersonal, consider setting up some time during your wedding day to have a private vow reading with just your partner.
8. YOUR exit
Most people will exit down the aisle after being announced as married, but that doesn’t mean that you have to. You can play a favorite song and have a little dance party with your guests. Or have your first dance together right after you get hitched. If you are having a smaller wedding, you can have a champagne toast right at the ceremony site. Remember it’s okay to think outside the box if the traditional way of doing things isn’t your cup of tea. Choose an exit that reflects your personality and sets the tone for the rest of the festivities.
Remember, this is your day, your love, and your rules.
Breaking tradition isn’t just about doing things differently for the sake of being different. It’s about creating a day that is a true expression of who you are! Make your celebration a reflection of your partnership and love.
Have other ideas for how to make your ceremony your own? I’d love to hear how you’re making or breaking the rules - drop your comments below!